Skip to main content

 Here’s a revised list of "Dear Teddy" questions with funny names Teddy assigns to each reader:



---


1. The Vanishing Pants


Dear Teddy,

Why were my pants on my neighbor’s dog this morning?

Teddy's Response:

Well, Pants-on-Pup Pat, your trousers clearly found a better model. Let them live their runway dreams.


2. The Psychic Toaster


Dear Teddy,

My toaster predicted rain and told me to stay inside. Should I listen?

Teddy's Response:

Stay inside, Toast Whisperer Tammy. You don’t want to anger the carb oracle.


3. The Pigeon Negotiator


Dear Teddy,

A pigeon demanded crackers in exchange for not pooping on my car. Should I comply?

Teddy's Response:

Cracker King Kenny, give the bird what it wants before it upgrades to demanding a parking spot.


4. The Laughing Vacuum


Dear Teddy,

My vacuum laughed at me while I was cleaning. Is it haunted?

Teddy's Response:

Haunted Hoover Harry, it’s either a ghost or it thinks your cleaning skills are laughable. Either way, mop faster.


5. The Drama-Loving Cat


Dear Teddy,

My cat knocked over a lamp and fainted dramatically. Is it okay?

Teddy's Response:

Drama Paw Paula, your cat’s fine. It’s auditioning for Cats: The Soap Opera.


6. The Karaoke Ghost


Dear Teddy,

The ghost in my apartment sings karaoke. Should I join in?

Teddy's Response:

Specter Singer Sam, duet time! But let the ghost take the high notes.


7. The Insecure Mirror


Dear Teddy,

My mirror said I looked 'just okay.' Should I get a new one?

Teddy's Response:

Reflection Reject Rachel, keep the mirror. But glare at it daily to assert dominance.


8. The Pizza Thief


Dear Teddy,

The delivery guy ate two slices of my pizza. Should I have tipped him?

Teddy's Response:

Pepperoni Pete, tip him in IOUs and make him work for his next slice.


9. The Time-Traveling Alarm Clock


Dear Teddy,

My alarm clock wakes me up an hour early. Is this normal?

Teddy's Response:

Early Bird Erin, it’s not normal, but neither is hitting snooze 12 times.


10. The Passive-Aggressive Plants


Dear Teddy,

My plants are shedding leaves shaped like thumbs-down emojis. Are they mad?

Teddy's Response:

Leaf Loser Larry, they’re judging you. Start watering before they stage a coup.


11. The Overly Honest GPS


Dear Teddy,

My GPS called me a bad driver. Should I uninstall it?

Teddy's Response:

Terrible Turn Terry, keep it. You need that tough love to survive the streets.


12. The Snack-Stealing Squirrel


Dear Teddy,

A squirrel stole my chips and flipped me off. What do I do?

Teddy's Response:

Nutless Ned, surrender your pantry before it calls reinforcements.


13. The Revenge of the Shoes


Dear Teddy,

My shoes hid under the couch after I stepped in mud. Are they mad?

Teddy's Response:

Soggy Sole Sally, they’re furious. Apologize with a nice shoeshine and a heartfelt "sorry."


14. The Laundry Gremlin


Dear Teddy,

There’s a sock in my dryer that isn’t mine. Is this how horror movies start?

Teddy's Response:

Spin Cycle Steve, yes, but at least it’s cozy horror.


15. The Moaning Fridge


Dear Teddy,

My fridge moans every time I open it. Should I be concerned?

Teddy's Response:

Snack Seeker Sarah, either it’s haunted or deeply disappointed in your midnight snacking.


16. The Nosy Lamp


Dear Teddy,

My lamp flickers every time I tell a bad joke. Is it mocking me?

Teddy's Response:

Dim Bulb Dan, yes, but lamps are natural critics. Just keep trying.


17. The Elevator Gossip


Dear Teddy,

The elevator told me I’ve been taking the stairs too much. Should I be worried?

Teddy's Response:

Button Pusher Brenda, the elevator is just jealous. Next time, press all the buttons and run.


18. The Cat With a Lawyer


Dear Teddy,

My cat knocked over my joe and denied responsibility with a signed document. Should I hire a lawyer?

Teddy's Response:

Litigation Lou, no lawyer can win against a cat. Just settle out of court with treats.


19. The Possessive Sofa


Dear Teddy,

My sofa pulls me back down every time I stand. Is this love?

Teddy's Response:

Cushion Captive Cathy, love or possession. Either way, enjoy your new life as a sofa dweller.


20. The Dishwashing Diva


Dear Teddy,

My dishwasher refuses to work unless I rinse the plates first. Is this normal?

Teddy's Response:

Soapy Stan, dishwashers are divas. Bow to its demands or hand-wash forever.


21. The Talking Plant


Dear Teddy,

My cactus told me I have commitment issues. Should I listen?

Teddy's Response:

Prickly Personality Pam, yes, but remember—it thrives on being ignored, so it’s a hypocrite.


22. The Judgmental Coffee Mug


Dear Teddy,

My mug cracked after I spilled joe. Is it mad at me?

Teddy's Response:

Cracked Cup Carl, yes. Coffee mugs are fragile—both physically and emotionally.


23. The Plotting Microwave


Dear Teddy,

My microwave beeps extra loud when I heat leftovers. Is it tattling on me?

Teddy's Response:

Reheated Rebel Ronnie, it’s a snitch. Muffle it with a towel.


24. The Hungry Umbrella


Dear Teddy,

My umbrella dropped chips when I opened it. What’s going on?

Teddy's Response:

Snack Pack Patty, either you’re sleep-snacking or your umbrella is starting a food truck business.


25. The Barking Clock


Dear Teddy,

My clock barked when I hit snooze. Is this normal?

Teddy's Response:

Tick-Tock Tommy, normal? No. But maybe your dog’s moonlighting as an alarm clock.



---


Would you like Teddy to answer anything else?


Popular posts from this blog

  Ohio has been home to some of the most iconic moments in film and television history. From Hollywood legends born here to groundbreaking productions filmed in our state, Ohio’s contribution to the entertainment world deserves to be celebrated—and you can help make it happen! The Ohio Movie and TV Hall of Fame is more than just a tribute; it’s a living legacy that honors our state’s cinematic achievements, educates future generations, and inspires creativity. By supporting this project, you’re ensuring that Ohio’s rich film and TV history shines brightly for years to come. Why Your Support Matters: Every contribution brings us closer to: Showcasing iconic props, costumes, and memorabilia from Ohio-connected productions. Hosting exciting events, from movie screenings to celebrity panels. Creating educational opportunities for students and aspiring filmmakers. When you subscribe to one of our tiers, you’re not just donating—you’re becoming part of the story. From exclusive merch to ...
Read more
Love. Marriage. Murder. By Ted Smith  First comes love. Then comes marriage. Then comes murder. Table of Contents The Ring May Come with Diamonds, But It Always Ends in Handcuffs A lavish wedding ends in tragedy. Or was it tradition? He Promised Her the World. She Settled for His Will. When an aging tycoon dies mysteriously, all eyes turn to his young, glowing widow. She Wept for Her Husband—But Didn’t Smudge Her Mascara A televised funeral turns into a trial of tears and lies. They Took ‘Till Death Do Us Part’ a Bit Too Seriously A seemingly perfect couple disappears—only one returns with a story that doesn’t add up. Love Is Eternal. Unless It’s Profitable A celebrity power couple faces a deadly scandal when a prenup goes missing—and a body shows up. Cupid’s Arrow Turned into a Smoking Gun A Valentine’s Day dinner ends with more than just heartbreak. Marriage: The Leading Cause of Fatal Misunderstandings A honeymoon suite. A spilled bottle of wine...
Read more
  Here are ten little-known details about Santa’s operation that keep his whole North Pole setup running smoothly: 1. The North Pole Weather Team – Santa has a dedicated team of meteorological elves who specialize in winter weather patterns. They analyze wind speed, snow density, and cloud coverage to ensure the sleigh travels safely without surprise blizzards. 2. Reindeer Strength Training – Besides flying practice, Santa's reindeer undergo a rigorous strength training regimen to build endurance for the long haul. This includes snow sprinting, wing lifts, and altitude adjustment drills. 3. Magic Dust Warehouse – The “magic dust” that powers the sleigh has its own storage facility, monitored around the clock by specially trained elves. It’s tested regularly for potency to ensure the sleigh can handle the global journey. 4. The Chimney Suit Tailoring Team – Santa’s suit has built-in magic to adjust its size to different chimney diameters. A group of elves works all year on tweaking ...
Read more